Stepping Into A Calling

Every now and then you get one of those moments. You know, the ones where you stand at a crossroads and try to discern if this is God calling you to something or if it is you in your head convincing you to do it. Or, maybe it is Satan blind-siding you with a selfish-cause masquerading as a call. But nevertheless, there it is, a beckoning the makes your heart race every time you think about it. Do you say yes?

You begin to re-play all the mistakes you’ve ever made over and over in your mind. The faces of the people you’ve hurt flash before your eyes. The embarrassing failures attack your heart again and you begin to wonder if it’s even worth entertaining the idea of stepping into what you’re feeling led to.

Over and over you pray, ask, seek. You may even get angry and ask God to just lay it out plainly. I mean seriously, why can’t an angel just come sit down and have a conversation with you? He did with Mary! Or you may just deny that you are even worthy of this. You let fear and doubt out of their cages and they begin to gnaw at your heart.

Before you know it, a sweet whisper of God has turned into a self-bashing fiesta in your mind. Then again, maybe these are just my thoughts and you know nothing about this. Nevertheless, here’s my journey of stepping into a calling.

On April 12, 2009 I finally surrendered my whole self to Christ. I died that day. A new me was resurrected. That new me still had to learn how to get free from some of the old junk, but I was a different person. For six months I was in my Bible every day. I prayed and fasted and felt Jesus calling me back to something. Something I had started years before but let go of. Something I had claimed to be doing for Him, but because I didn’t really know Jesus, I hurt a lot of people in the process.

So now the questions began running rampant in my mind. Is this really Him? Could I really do this? What about all of the other failures? What about all of the other hurts?  Where do I even begin?

I don’t know what you’re being called to. I don’t know if you feel like you’re in the middle of a war. I don’t know if you’re anything like me. But if you are, hear me when I say everything you feel is real and valid. Yes there is war because Ephesian 6 tells us there is war. But there is also victory. Satan would love nothing more than to keep you bound by past hurts, fear and disappointment. However, Jesus already paid the price. The victory is already yours. Claim it and run with it.

Now if you are that person that’s like me, I know what’s going through your mind. That’s a pretty little speech Lori but seriously, how do I do this? With that in mind, I thought I’d share some of my process (aside from the pray, listen and discern part) when stepping into something that’s been laid on your heart.

1. Timothy had Paul and Paul had Timothy. I fully believe that every person should have a Paul in their life and every Paul should have a Timothy. To process things I was hearing, feeling or questioning I went to trusted leaders. Those leaders listened with me for Holy Spirit discernment. Hear me in this, I did not go to people who had ideas to tell me how to do things or just to encourage me in something. I went to people who would ask the hard questions. Who called the best out of me and were for me in all that God had for me.
2. I sought out next level leadership. There was a lady in the church I was attending who was amazing. She was stepping into uncharted waters and leading through the rough spots to get Kingdom advancing work done. She did it with dignity, owning her mistakes and always pointing people to Jesus. I wanted to be a leader like that. So, I asked her to lead me. She prayed through, we agreed on a timeframe and set off on the adventure. Neither of us knew really all that it entailed but we knew that God was at the helm. I went to her with questions about leading people, struggles with self, conquering fear, being assertive when needed, and more. She had been out front walking in the places I was getting to. It mattered that she used her voice in my life. It mattered for me and she will tell you that it mattered for her. It mattered that I asked.
3. I sought freedom. The people who were leading me knew the real me, and yes, they knew every gory detail of all that was me. I hid nothing. If we stay hidden it gives the enemy room to meddle in the darkness. Satan is talented at orchestrating our past hang-ups into a beautiful symphony of chaos. I stepped into the hard work of dealing with my past. I didn’t want to leave any stone unturned. If I did, that meant there was still something that Satan could have his grubby little paws on. Out of that came a clearer picture than I could have ever imagined. I still struggle with sour choices but now I understand more about the source and react quicker to the battle.
4. Pray and fast. If you want to know the voice of God more, a great way to get there (in my experience) is to seek Him through prayer and fasting. There is nothing like recognizing the voice of the enemy telling you to go ahead and nibble on that one little morsel when you haven’t had food in several days. Learning to differentiate the shouts of the enemy from the whispers of God will strengthen you. 
5. You will still screw up! You will still make poor choices. You will make the mistake of trying to control it all. Then, you will get too relaxed and let someone intentionally or unintentionally trample on the vision you’ve been given. You will be at the end of yourself and wonder if you’ve made the wrong choice. You will wonder if you’ve stepped into unauthorized territory. Then, God will show up. He will correct you. He will reveal his strength in your weakness. He will do a miracle you could have never imagined and the whole back story of your journey will suddenly make sense.

This is my story of stepping into a calling. The story of my journey into a ministry that God has blessed and holds His hand of favor over. I tell everyone I walk around in awe with my jaw on the floor most days.  I continually pray and seek guidance from Holy Spirit. Sometimes I hear so clear and so right. Sometimes I question it all, make a choice, and still get it wrong. I still seek out leadership of others and yearn for people to speak honestly into my life always pointing me to Jesus, not their ideas. I have to wage war daily seeking freedom from forces that want to engage in battles against me, my family, the ministry, and people around me.

Know that following Jesus equals sacrifice. We are told to deny ourselves and turn from our selfish ways to follow Him. (Mat. 16:24) We are told that we have to love Him more than anything else, including our family. (Luke 14:26) Don’t let fear hold you back. Jump with God, you’ll be amazed at the works He will do in and through you.